"Love yourself" has been said so many times it's lost its weight. But underneath the overused phrase is something real: the relationship we have with ourselves affects everything. Loving yourself first isn't about bubble baths and affirmations. It's about treating ourselves with the same basic kindness we'd offer anyone else.
The Neglected Relationship
When this relationship is strained, it shows up in quiet ways.
The way we talk to ourselves — after a mistake, in the mirror, when falling short. Would anyone speak to a friend that way? Probably not. But the inner critic has been running the show so long, it feels like truth rather than just one voice.
Everyone else's needs come first. The partner, the kids, the boss, the friends. By the time there's space for self-care, there's nothing left. And taking anything feels selfish — even when running on empty.
Good things happen and it's hard to fully enjoy them because some part doesn't believe they're deserved. Compliments slide off. Success feels like a fluke. The baseline belief is not being quite enough.
There's constant trying to improve — to become someone worth loving. But the goalpost moves. Every version has a new flaw to fix. Self-love stays conditional on becoming someone different than who exists right now.
If any of that resonates, it's not uncommon. Most people were never taught how to do this. Sometimes the start is just to notice these patterns.
Why Self-Love Feels Hard
Being kind to oneself sounds simple. It's often one of the hardest things to practice.
Under this struggle often sits a deeper feeling — the quiet belief of just being not good enough as is.
When You Feel Not Good EnoughSelf-love isn't something achieved once. It's something practiced by starting to notice the patterns. Sometimes it helps to look at the self-talk honestly.
Loving Yourself in Practice
This isn't about forcing positivity. It's about small, honest shifts in how we relate to ourselves.
Notice the Critic
Hear it. Then ask: is this true? Is it helpful?
One Small Kindness
Go to bed on time. Eat a real meal. Start foundational.
Set One Boundary
One "no" that protects energy. Start small.
Forgive One Thing
Something carried for too long. Not to excuse it — to release it.
Guilt often sits alongside this struggle — especially for parents. If carrying that weight too, it might be recognized as mom guilt or dad guilt.
When Nothing Feels Like EnoughOne Kindness for Yourself
If loving yourself feels far away, these are places to start today.
Small shifts add up, but building a kinder relationship with oneself is an ongoing practice. thisOne is a thinking partner that helps notice the patterns — the self-talk, the harsh moments, the times when self-care gets forgotten. Processing what's felt without judgment and starting to see where kindness could replace criticism. Not self-help platitudes — a conversation that helps build a better internal relationship.
What This Really Means
Self-love isn't a destination. It's a practice — some days easier, some days harder. The goal isn't perfection, it's returning. Again and again, treating yourself like someone worth caring for. Because you are. Not the improved future version. The one reading this right now.